I haven’t written on this blog of mine in a long time. Because life. I have spent the last few years constantly going. Long days became a normal thing, to the point I would leave my house saying, “just another 13-hour day!” But during these couple years, my crazy and hectic life has been deeply rooted in education.
I’m a grad student. Education. I’m a school counseling intern. Education. I’m a substitute teacher. Education. I’m a high school speech coach. Education.
So, when education got cancelled due to covid-19, everything in my life (except for the few days a month I work in childcare), got cancelled. And there was a lot of sadness with that.
Sad that I wasn’t sure I would get a real termination with some of the students and groups I’ve been working with all year. Sad about the student I told “how about we chat more Monday morning?” Sad that my commencement ceremony got cancelled. Sad that I have allergies right now so all I seem to do in my spare time is touch my face and itch my eyes. Sad that the speech kids worked so hard all season to have conference and sections get “postponed indefinitely”.
I gave myself permission to be sad. I gave myself permission to grieve. And yet, I continued to get dressed everyday. Because I know myself well enough to know that I thrive on structure and routine. So if I control things like making a schedule for my day and getting dressed, I will do better during this distancing and quarantine time.
I’ve also seen a lot of things floating around about “introverts, check on your extrovert friends”. I am a person that doesn’t intensely lean towards either. When I’ve taken the Myer Briggs, I always get NFJ, but sometimes it’s ENFJ and sometimes it’s INFJ. I like to say Extroverted Introvert or an introvert with extrovert hobbies. I like my alone time and days just at home, but I enjoy activities involving social interaction.
Knowing that I have to lean more into my introvert side right now, I’ve started to make some peace with slowing down. I’m doing things that have been on my to-do list for over a year. I’ve went for actual runs to get some fresh air (I’m now a person who runs for fun apparently). I’ve caught up on TV shows and watched quite a bit on Netflix. I’ve played with Milo a lot (poor guy is so tired, but I like to think he is loving this quality time). I’ve cleaned out totes that haven’t been gone through since they were packed. I’ve been in the kitchen a lot- cooking and baking. I’ve started pretending to learn piano. I’ve read books for fun. I’ve found my way back to writing. I’ve sang all the parts of entire Broadway cast recordings.
The things that were making me sad were the things that I had no control over. But there are still plenty of things that I can control. No point in worrying about the things out of my control. While I’m not all about finding positive things quite yet, I can be comfortable in the unknown. Especially after watching 3 year old’s put their whole heart into performing the Frozen song “Into the Unknown” during those days in child care.
The bad news is a lot can change in 30 days. The good news is a lot can change in 30 days. Staying home is not the worst sacrifice a person has to make. Especially to keep those around us healthy. Being forced to slow down isn’t the worst thing we could have been asked to do. Two months ago, I was feeling stress like I never had before. It’s been awhile since I’ve been still with myself, and I’m starting to think it’s what I needed.