Lighting the Fire

I haven’t posted on this blog since November 2012, but I came here often. Sometimes I came here with the intention to write something, but then I never did. Sometimes I came here to see what I had done and relive some of those moments. The thing with baking is it creates memories. The baking experiences that inspired the blog posts all have a memory or a moment attached to them. The last post from November 2012, I can still tell you why I was stressed, I still remember calling my mom when my whipped cream didn’t turn out for the banana cream cupcakes, and I remember the feeling of having to load my batter up in the car to go somewhere else to bake when I could’t get my oven to work.

A lot has changed since the last blog post. I graduated college. I got a job and moved over 4 hours away from home. I met a great guy. He got a new job and moved, so I did too, knowing I was moving farther from home. But my parents ended up moving farther away too. (For the record, I’m 7 hours away from my mom). I’ve been stuck for the first time alone at an airport. I’ve survived a flood. My friends are now spread all over the country. And I bought a car.

Life kept going, and I kept baking. But I stopped documenting and recording what I had done. One of the hardest things I’ve learned with all these transitions in my life is that you can’t forget about yourself. And I did that. Not just with baking, but other things. I often made reference on this blog to swing dancing. I still love dancing but aside from the dancing I do in my living room, I can’t tell you the last time I went out social dancing. With this leap into adulthood, I’m learning to balance. I have to learn how to balance my family, my friends, my job, my guy, and myself. It is still OK for me to do these things I was once so passionate about. Things just started to happen on auto pilot. I let certain parts of my life fall by the wayside. To no one’s fault but my own.

But then, a few months ago, someone asked me what my dream job was. I immediately responded with “owning a bakery”. They asked if I already knew what I wanted to name it. I said that I wasn’t positive but I knew what I wanted the logo to be and the main colors. And she was excited about the logo and overall, she was excited for my dream. I have always had this excitement when thinking about my dreams, but I was letting all that sit inside and I wasn’t doing anything about it. Even though it’s a big dream and maybe a long shot, I should still already be preheating my oven.

Needless to say, I’m back now. I have a brand new piping set. I have a jar full of liners. And I have a 24 cup pan. Not to mention my current house has some of the best prep counter space that I’ve ever experienced (smaller than my dream kitchen space, but definitely workable). I had this realization that I don’t want to look back on these years of my life and disappointed. So I have this new found fire inside. I want this to be the year I get a few bucks for the things I bake…even if it’s just the farmers market. I want this to be the year I have my logo design created…even if it is drawn by my college roommate, who can draw bunnies, therefore she is qualified. I want this to be the year when my pictures start looking a little nicer. I want this to be the year I finally stop saying I’m going to learn my grandma’s apple butter recipe, and I just do it. I want this to be the year when I look back and say “that was the year where I light my fire”.

Did I mention I’m baking this weekend?

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